My hand turned me down
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
