sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
