Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
