Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
