i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
