My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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