we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
