i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
