I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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