We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
