Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
