i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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