Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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