FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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