Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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