yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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