Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
