just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
