Non-Jews are for practice
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
