...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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