I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
