Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize