I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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