I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
