Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
