My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
