I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
