My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize