My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I need moral support for this bender
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
