I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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