i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
