i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
