don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
