I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
