Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
