just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
