My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize