Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
