Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so let's talk penis.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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