90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
