the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
