Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
