"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
