so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
