I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
