and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
