I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
