there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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