K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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