while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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