After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
where are my eyebrows?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
