I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
