I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
