Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
