my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
