My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
