my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
