sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
