Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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