I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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