You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There's always time for handjobs
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
