those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
