laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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