Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
