so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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