i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize