enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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