I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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