I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
