I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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