Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
