After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
