whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Randomize
