He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
