seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
