I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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