I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
