Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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