Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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