he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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