i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just gift wrapped bread.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have fence marks all over my body
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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