look no pants
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
