i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Did I show you my penis last night?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize